


The fuckfaces of britain

by archaicArcher



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1d, Eventual lampshade, M/M, Smexy, Yaoi, and then the frack, dan and phol, first they did the frick, frickle frackle, lampshade shaggling, lampshades, makoute, smex, snowdude, yaois
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2577284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archaicArcher/pseuds/archaicArcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hot yaois, what more can I say?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is solely irony. And also my sister's idea. I don't even like 1D.

So 1 day, Harry was feelin down and then Luis was lyke "Yo bruh why r u so sad my friendorito" and Harry waz all lyke "Zayne called me a meanypants name." and then Luis was lyke to Harry "WHat dat beoch call u I will beat him up cus he mezz w/ my bby" and den Harry waz lyke "Luis NO HOMKO" and luis waz lyke "what he call u doe" and harry replied "He called me "ass but" and i ran away crien an he call me a "stewpid whiney ho" and I run here, to u. Can u go beet Zayne's azz fur me, Luis?" and den luis said "dat was mean of him but i'd rather have a hot smexy makeout sess w/ u harry lololololooolololol" and harry replied back "LUIS I SAyD No HOmKO! But ya let's totally make out cuz u a hot AF stud muffin" and luis said "mkay." and den dey had a smexy makeout youi sess and then luis waz lyke "harry come to my flat and we watch futball and then have sexy makeout again and den we do tha frickle frackle." and harry said "ye lets go im so homo for u!" and luis said in his hed "yeah score i get to frick frack w/ harry" and then MEANWHILE... Niall and Zayne were hanging out and then Zayne waz lyke "Harry is such a pussy" and Niall said "ye" and then they were like "U hate him 2? let's make out we're meant 2 be" and then they make out and then they do the frick frack and zayne thinks to himself "im gettin ass 2nite score" and niall waz like in his mind "zayne is a hot studmuffin and i am so homko 4 him" and then MEANWHILE that other guy that nobody likes is sitten there alone thinkin to himself "why am i still alive i got no1 not even my fans know my name and im sew lonely i have no1 to make out w/ and frick frack so whats the point of lyfe" and he kill himshelf and no1 notice cus he's always bin the 1 guy in 1D that nobody lyked so then Zayne and Niall continued to frick frack and Harry and Luis walked to the flat and they watched football and then they had smexy smex and then the 1 guy waz still ded and no1 notice.

                                                     **The End...?**


	2. Lampshades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two years, it's back. This time with Dan, Snowdude(totally not Phil) and successful lampshade shaggling.

Now that Zaynes out of the band and that other guy is still dead, 1d is in shambles. They have since taken a break. Harry has broken up with Luis, and Niall is incredibly lonely with Zayne gone. Suddenly, Harry gets a strange message. It's from somebody with no profile picture and their contact name as "snowdude". It reads: "hey m8. My fren Danny boi wants to let you know that he is going to shaggle your lampshades tomorrow." Harry was confused. He didn't know what the fuck shaggling a lampshade meant, but he didn't want to find out. Harry boarded up all his windows and doors. He messaged snowdude this: "look mate I don't know what the straight eff your trying to say to me so you better not show up anywhere near me tomorrow." Harry went to sleep with one eye open and the lights on. The next day, he woke up to a strange noise. He went to look and saw a pale figure with a dark brown fringe. He said "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN" and the man replied "I'm here for your lampshades". Harry looked at the man in fear. The figure came closer and stroked Harry's glabella. Harry decided to not question it and call the police later. "I am Dan" the man said, in an accent not much different from Harry's own. Dan pulled out a full sized ladder from his pants. It almost crashed through the ceiling. Harry fainted. Dan got to work and used the ladder to knock all the lampshades off of Harry's lamps. He found every lamp in the house, and made sure to "shaggle" all of them with great care. Harry woke up that afternoon. He slowly rose from the ground, with his hand rubbing his forehead because he had hit his head when he passed out. He scanned around his house, not noticing anything missing. However, all of his lampshades were now on the floor. He checked his house for any lampshade that was still in it's place, but alas, every single one was lying on the hardwood grounds of his house. He checked everywhere for the man...  
Dan, he had called himself? Dan was nowhere to be found. Harry was actually quite surprised and relieved that nothing terrible had happened to him, because he was expecting "shaggling his lampshades" to be weird slang for some form of assault. But, he was also confused. Why had Dan broken in to his humble bungalow simply to knock all of his lampshades to the ground? Just then, he got another message on his phone from snowdude. It read "those lampshades aren't the only think that were shaggled. Check your bedroom m8." Harry wondered what that could even mean. He slowly made his way up the stairs and through the halls toward his room. When he arrived at his door, he was hesitant to open it. He turned the doorknob. Or tried to, but it was locked. How would he ever find out? He went deep into thought and wondered what it could have meant. He suddenly realized. It had probably meant that all his full sized Sasuke Uchiha body pillows had been tampered with. Maybe they had been torn with the ladder, defaced, maybe even stolen and sold on eBay. But without a key to get in to that room,  
He would have to get crafty. 

To be continued in a couple years probably.

**Author's Note:**

> w OW what a GreAt Fic kiDddos  
> fun 4 tha whole family


End file.
